CSZ Rambles: 1/31/2018

Entry #3

This entry served as the foundation for the CSZ episodes “Coach of Cuffing Season” and “Les Femmes Noires et L’amor. You can listen to them here and here.

These past few days I’ve been reflecting on my romantic relationships. 2 of my roomies are in relationships and it’s really cute. Last semester I was “on a mission” because I was somewhat newly single and just wanted to finally say yes to opportunities with boys. I never really dated so I was fixated on finding cute boys who were interested in me and going out. It’s simple but it was fun for me, and depending on who you ask I was relatively successful. I found myself thinking about 10/6 and I remember how exciting everything was just given the context. Obviously everything wasn’t that great but it was important for me and that’s okay lol. 

But in this new growth process I’ve been learning a lot about what I want and I know that right now in this moment, I don’t want a relationship. [Old boyf #1] was in my dream the other day and I think [old boyf #2] texted me a few weeks ago trying to reach out and I just don’t really want to be bothered. Now, that’s not to say I don’t like to be held or kissed up on a lil bit, feel me? But as far as emotional availability goes, I don’t have that right now. I don’t mind getting to know people and chilling with them or what have you, but to be committed to someone right now won’t really work for me. 

Edit: this entry is really vague so…sorry about that lol. Some stuff has to remain private!